A two-minute appearance by Anil Kapoor, Priyanka Chopra in a 30-second dream sequence, a newcomer with more hype than promise, and opening credits thanksgiving to everyone from SRK to KJo to RGV (that’s the film’s only coup!). The whole of Bollywood seems to have taken My Name Is Anthony Gonsalves under its wings, nurturing and supporting it. Despite all that mollycoddling, this E. Niwas film falters — and falters badly — with the audience turning its back — or a sleepy eye — on the film even before the intermission.

The biggest flaw that plagues My Name Is Anthony Gonsalves is that it is impossible to comprehend the genre of the film. Starting off on ‘an ordinary man with extraordinary dreams’ track, it quickly moves into the tried-and-tested romantic formula, and before you know it, the film descends into a cops-and-gangsters drama.

And amidst all this is Anthony. Par Anthony kaun hai? Young Anthony Gonsalves, played by debutant Nikhil Dwivedi, is a waiter, church cleaner, aspiring actor (“apun sirf hero banna mangta, boss”) and most importantly, the protege of an underworld bhai.

Par Anthony ke life mein kya problem hai? Only that he inadvertently chances upon his underworld bhai and his cronies dumping a cop’s body one day. Life turns topsy turvy for the bindaas banda. He is then left precariously positioned between two contrasting lives — an innocent young man in love with the assistant director of his film (Amrita Rao), and the one caught in the murky world of murder and mayhem.

Par My Name is Anthony Gonsalves picture mein kya problem hai? The film fails to engage. The story and screenplay are routine and not much effort is made — by way of dialogue or direction — to push the narrative a few notches higher. The first half, in particular, lacks movement and although the proceedings perk up a bit in the second half, the damage cannot be undone.

Amrita Rao has a bit role but does fairly well as the girl next door who can also turn on the oomph. Mithun Chakraborty has an even smaller role as the church father whose only occupation seems to be that of Anthony’s confession board. But the Mahaguru does draw the only ceetees in the film (from those who stayed on till the end) with his karate skills at the climax. Nikhil Dwivedi has too much of a Shah Rukh hangover — he talks like him, walks like him and even spreads his arms out wide like him. But he does have screen presence.

Returning after four years, director E. Niwas is a disappointment. Pritam’s conventional ‘one-two chartbusters a film’ track record is also missing. In the end, My Name Is Anthony Gonsalves may just be remembered for the song that inspired its name.

Priyanka Roy