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For moment, Hillary steel mask cracks

Washington, Jan. 8: For a brief moment at a campaign stop in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, Hillary Clinton let slip a glimpse of uncontrolled emotion.

Today, streams of voters filed into polling stations in New Hampshire in the country’s first presidential primary election. Polls indicated that Barack Obama, who is of Kenyan descent, had pulled ahead of Hillary.

Yesterday, in response to a question from an empathetic voter who wondered how Hillary remains upbeat and “so wonderful”, Hillary’s voice cracked as she conceded that the non-stop campaigning — and all it entails — is not easy.

Hillary got choked up. Her voice grew softer. Her eyes grew moist. And she cupped her chin in her hand in a gesture that seemed to indicate both exhaustion and frustration. The candidate, who has presented a consistent face of steely determination and invincibility, had a jarring moment of vulnerability.

Hillary didn’t cry. God, no. A woman seeking the Presidency isn’t allowed to do that no matter how tired she gets and how often she hears: People just don’t like you. As if choosing the next commander -in-chief is akin to electing a student body president.

So there were no tears rolling down Hillary’s cheeks, and there was no messy sniffling. As displays of emotion go, this one was tasteful and reserved — and ever so brief. It was like one of those perfect flickers of sadness that won Helen Mirren an Oscar for The Queen. It was dignified, yet human.

But nothing is ever that simple with Hillary. As she herself has noted, she is a Rorschach test for the way in which we believe women get ahead, handle power, negotiate marriage and make us all feel warm, fuzzy and protected. With Hillary, whom people so often view through their own personal lens, the same fleeting gestures can be interpreted as both coldly calculating and wimpy.

Psychologists use the Rorschach test to try to examine the personality characteristics and emotional functioning of their patients.

Over the past 17 years, Hillary has constructed a public face that is controlled and largely inscrutable. Spontaneity and emotional frankness are not character traits one associates with her.

During her greatest public trials, even when discussing her husband’s betrayal while promoting her memoir, Hillary presented herself as a fighter.

She never has come across as wounded. Angry maybe. Defiant perhaps. The public is accustomed to seeing those on her face and hearing them in her voice. They ring true. Everything else seems suspect. (Even her laughter has been analysed and judged inappropriate, insincere and annoying.)

It’s no great leap to wonder whether that cracking in her voice yesterday had been self-consciously conjured up. Clinton got teary-eyed? Really? The disbelief might be cynical, but not unreasonable.

How does she convince observers — those pesky pundits, the annoying media, the relentless bloggers — that her husky-voiced emotion was real? Would she have been more persuasive if she had shed one perfect tear like Demi Moore in Ghost?

Of course, if she comes across as too authentically vulnerable and tender she runs the risk of being called a wuss. Can’t stand the heat, Hillary? The mere indication that her tear ducts are in working order is enough to raise that question.

In this rare public moment when raw humanity flashed across Hillary’s face and got caught in her voice, she was explaining why she’s running. She was explaining herself: “Some people think elections are a game, lots of who’s up or who’s down. It’s about our country. It’s about our kids’ futures. And it’s really about all of us together.”

A lifetime of work, sacrifice, frustration, patience and defiance seemed to be compressed in a few sentences. There was a little bit of disappointment in her words. A hint of exasperation. Her voice sounded heavy with tearful emotion. Not crocodile tears, but real ones. Not because she is a wimp. But simply because she is human.

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