Cool saas

Mom-in-law to be Jane Fonda with Jennifer Lopez in Monster-In-Law

Nandita Agarwal Aditya, 27, is part of the new set. Married less than a year ago, Nandita can’t stop gushing about her partner’s parents. “My in-laws are the coolest people in the world. Not only can I wear what I feel like and go out wherever I want to, they also encouraged me to continue with my swimming and dance classes which I had contemplated giving up on after marriage,” smiles the stay-at-home wife.

There are many more new-age daughters-in-law who feel the same comfort and camaraderie with their in-laws as they do with their parents. Software consultant Preksha Ahluwalia (name changed on request) is one. Preksha not only confesses to having “the most amazing relationship” with her in-laws, but also declares her mom-in-law to be her best friend. “We are actually partners in crime. We go out shopping and partying together and have even got drunk on many occasions,” laughs Preksha.

Lucky bahu

Model-actress Malaika Arora Khan’s relationship with her in-laws is the stuff that dreams are made of. “My in-laws are perhaps the most liberal there can ever be. They have never interfered or voiced their displeasure about my profession. I’m the luckiest bahu on earth,” Malaika has been quoted saying.

While for some the relationship may border on the Utopian, there are many others where the initial “formal” relationship with the in-laws has gradually thawed over the years. This is what happened with Rashmi Sethi (name changed on request). Married in the early ’90s, Rashmi’s relationship with her in-laws was very formal and even tense at first. “My in-laws were pretty conservative initially and what made matters worse for me was that I had seen my elder sister suffer at the hands of insensitive in-laws. I got into marriage with preconceived (read, negative) notions about in-laws,” grimaces the HR professional. But two kids and 15 years of marriage later, Rashmi confesses to being extremely close to her in-laws. “I am now treated like the daughter of the family. My pa-in-law even chooses my saris for me when we go out shopping,” she smiles.

Lallianfeli Pachuau Visco, who recently got married to a Frenchman, goes gaga over her in-laws. “My ma-in-law can’t speak a word of English and I don’t know French at all. And yet we bond beautifully,” smiles the software professional.

The changing equation can be attributed to a variety of reasons. While Rashmi feels that the absence of the joint family system has led to in-laws being more liberal and broad-minded, school teacherPreetha Rai Choudhuri believes that the only thing that concerns parents today is the happiness and well-being of their children. “As long as they see that their son or daughter is happy with their spouse, they are happy too,” she says. Nandini and Biswaroop Banerjee, who got their son married last year, take pride in being “liberal” in-laws. “We have a great relationship with our daughter-in-law, Mili. Though our son and daughter-in-law do not stay with us, we see each other pretty often,” say the Banerjees.

Son-in-law rises

K3G: It’s all about loving your parents-in-law

If women are having it easy now, men haven’t ever had it so good either. The traditional relationship of a man with his in-laws has generally been formal, with occasional visits to the wife’s place and getting together on special occasions with the extended family being his duty. Men, traditionally, seem to have had a tough time with their ma-in-law (just think of the number of mother-in-law jokes). But over the years, things have improved dramatically.

“I meet my in-laws often, we go out for meals together and my pa-in-law and I often share a drink. We are pretty close,” says freelance photographer Kaustav Saikia who believes that the changing equation can be attributed to parents being less interfering in their children’s lives. “They have learnt to give space to their children. The relationship is more relaxed in today’s times. Expectations are less too,” opines Kaustav.

IT professional Pranjal Rakshit, who has a long-distance relationship with his wife but lives just two blocks away from his in-laws, takes it one step further. “With my wife away in another city and my parents living outside India, I have become very close to my in-laws. I make it a point to visit them everyday, we have our meals together and the three of us have even gone for holidays together. I can safely say that I am now closer to my in-laws than my wife is to her parents,” laughs Pranjal.

For musician Chiradeep Lahiri, the equation has been great from day one. “My in-laws have always treated me as their own son. They don’t interfere in our lives at all, although we know that they are always there for us just as we are always there for them,” he says. Plus the jamai aador factor is there from before.

Samdhi bonding

The change in the in-laws equation also spells change for yet another relationship — that between the two sets of parents — the beyan-beyai (samdhis). A relationship, which till a few years ago was largely stand-offish punctuated with occasional visits, has now become that of friends. “My parents and my in-laws, get along like a house on fire. Last year, the four of them even went abroad on a holiday together,” says homemaker Aparajita Chakraborty.

Is that why saas-bahu serials are losing out on TRPs?

(How is your relationship with your in-laws? Tell t2@abpmail.com)