ALL FOR ONE: Queen Elizabeth

Commonwealth election done and dusted

On the face of it, Kamalesh Sharma, India’s high commissioner in London, appears to have the job of succeeding New Zealander Don McKinnon as Commonwealth secretary general all sown up. Bar the actual election when heads of government meet for the Commonwealth summit in Kampala from November 23-25 and apply a “one country, one vote” policy in a secret ballot, the position does appear to be Sharma’s. He was apparently Sonia Gandhi’s choice as India’s candidate.

He is said to have canvassed 40 of the 53 members and is confident of getting the support of, among others, David Miliband, the British foreign secretary whom Sharma has admitted cultivating from an early stage.

The Queen’s personal preference is not known but Sharma has no reason to think Her Majesty, who is the symbolic head of the Commonwealth, would be unhappy if India were to win.

The two other candidates, Dr Mohan Kaul, who is director general of the Commonwealth Business Council and is a British national, and Michael Frendo, the foreign minister of Malta, have not given up the fight but Sharma expects them to be first and second runner up on the night.

If he does become Commonwealth secretary general, it will give India a chance to play a world role as head of a ready-made global organisation. It will also please New Delhi after Shashi Tharoor’s failure to be elected UN secretary general. But if for any reason — over-confidence perhaps — Sharma were not to win, it would be a mega slap in the face for his backers.

BOOKWATCH: Waterstone’s has few books on Indian cricket, and almost none on the sport in Pakistan

Cricketing desert

For a friend, who supports Pakistan at cricket, I went to Waterstone’s, said to be the biggest bookshop in Europe, to buy him something for his birthday. My search for books on Pakistan cricket proved fruitless: there weren’t any.

There were plenty on England heroes, such as (Sir) Ian Botham, and even on mediocre county players. Among the Australians, Shane Warne justly merited a fair number. There were only a handful on Indian cricket (for example on Ranjitsinhji and his nephew, Duleepsinhji) but when it came to Pakistan, it was as though the country had been airbrushed out of existence in a Stalinist purge. Inzy should hire a good ghost-writer and do an autobiography, explaining why he hates being called “aloo”.

Calcutta calling

Since Mumbai and Delhi are now connected to the United States by non-stop flights, should other cities, notably Calcutta, be left behind? Grateful as I am to British Airways for flying Heathrow-Calcutta non-stop, my happiness would be greater if BA did not keep losing passengers’ luggage. All airlines lose bags but BA appears to be making a habit of it. That said I would also be very pleased if the London-Calcutta run were to be made daily. The same goes for Air India (which needs a lot more staff in its London office, incidentally, in case anyone is listening). With its new aircraft I am pleased to note Air India’s service is improving — and I hope I haven’t spoken too soon.

Why the business community in Calcutta puts up with the city’s poor connectivity I really do not understand. What is the Left Front government doing to ensure that the residents of Calcutta can fly non-stop, not only to London, but also to New York, Chicago and Los Angeles? If it can be done with Mumbai and Delhi, there’s no reason such flights cannot be scheduled for Calcutta.

Flights are like motorways: if they are there, people will use them. And the economic resurgence of West Bengal very much depends on making Calcutta a modern airport, like Heathrow and JFK, connected to the rest of the world.

As for Mumbai and Delhi, fares should be cut to about £250 (about Rs 20,000) return so that people can pop over to London for a long weekend or Londoners can fly to India for a bit of shopping and a nice meal with friends at the Bukhara or at Trishna.

We also need to get the baggage carousels at Calcutta sorted out. I am not being unreasonable, otherwise I would have urged British Airways to go back to its old name of BOAC.

TONGUE TIED: Sanjay Suri’s Brideless in Wembley

England only

Most journalists I know would love to write a novel but run out of ideas after six paragraphs. So London-based correspondent Sanjay Suri deserves high praise for writing Brideless in Wembley: In Search of Indian England (Summersdale Publishers; £8.99), which certainly made me laugh. He has pulled together aspects of Indian life in Britain, but warns readers that he has not written a history book.

“I do not have a first chapter called ‘Early Arrivals’ followed by another called ‘Settling in,’ ” says Sanjay.

At one point, Sanjay catches up with Kailash Puri, a veteran agony aunt who has been writing for years that “too many Sikh girls are getting seduced by Pakistani men”.

Sanjay is allowed access to Mrs Puri’s huge pile of letters, including one from Makhan, who has been in the UK for seven years and did MA History “of D.A.V. College Jallhander” but “can’t get fixed up with a girl”.

Makhan’s grouse is that “girls have more demands than boys. If they want to marry their girl to a discent boy keep girls under control. Girls do not want to work, but want everything. Girls go to clubs get drunk and get their virginity broken.”

Mrs Puri is not amused by either his tone or his grammar: “It is surprising that despite an MA you have made so many mistakes in your letter. In Jalhandhar, Ludhiana and Amritsar, even children in the fifth grade do not make so many mistakes.”

She added: “What you have said about ‘decent’ girls, keeping ‘under control’ and about virginity is very unfortunate.”

Shambo shining

A recent Global Management Summit in London, organised in London by the Indian Institutes of Management, was a jolly affair with many important speeches by captains of industry. An especially noteworthy announcement was made, however, by Ieuan Wyn Jones, deputy first minister and minister for economy and transport in the government of Wales who is to take a Welsh trade delegation to Mumbai and Delhi in late November. He said he would like to see more Bollywood films shot in Wales.

Wales is a lovely place with lovely people and the Indians should oblige him. In fact, I do have a script in mind about a bunch of stubborn Welsh government officials and vets who insist on slaughtering a trusting “Hindu” bull called Shambo on health grounds when they could have explored ways of keeping him alive. Jones could even play the lead in The Curse of Shambo but somehow I don’t think he will want this movie shot on location.

HOTCAKE: Dev Anand with his book

Tittle Tattle

There is no stopping Dev Anand, who is shuttling from city to city, country to country, promoting his autobiography, Romancing With Life.

“All copies have been sold and the publishers (Penguin India) are printing more,” he said after arriving in London last week with Tina and Anil Ambani and politician-turned-literary critic Amar Singh.

Devsaab, who is having the time of his life, said: “I am off to America next.”