Movies which should be remade

1 Jhoom Barabar Jhoom It should be remade just the way writers Anurag Kashyap and Tigmanshu Dhulia had envisioned it. Before Shaad Ali messed it all up, that is. It was called Sangam Mail and it was about Bunty of Bunty Aur Babli, the small-town crook with big dreams, who starts spinning yarns to impress the girl he meets at the station. Well, since Abhishek has already done his Bunty bit, the new small-town smartypants can be played by Shiney Ahuja with Konkona Sensharma as the other wannabe telling her own tale. Anurag or Tigmanshu can direct this earthy film to be made on a low budget. Rename: Miley Juley

2 Fanaa The one-line concept which had made Aamir Khan sign the film was a terrorist lover discovering his lady love who had got her vision back but could not recognise him. Everything else in the movie was a series of superfluous add-ons. Stripping the script off its terrorist tones, the film should be made again as just a love story gone wrong between a blind girl and an honest man. When she gets her eyesight back, he chances upon him again. But he won’t divulge his identity to her because she is married to someone else — with their kid. To give a fresh feel to the film, starting from college romance and stretching right up to a mature love triangle, the new cast should comprise Shahid Kapur and Ayesha Takia with Sanjay Suri as Ayesha’s goody-goody husband. The other Yash Raj director Siddharth Anand should direct it because he handles young romance better. Rename: Aankhon Aankhon Mein

3 Salaam-e-Ishq Take out three of the six stories and connect them properly like Life in a… Metro and you have got a winner here. The stories that should stay are the John Abraham-Vidya Balan track, where she has an accident and can’t remember him, the Govinda-Shannon Esra strand, where she is a foreigner chasing her lost love while he is a tourist guide completely smitten by her, and the Akshaye Khanna-Ayesha Takia tale where they are both very much in love but is all knotted up about tying the knot. Now, if John and Akshaye are close friends and Govinda is Ayesha’s muh-bola rakhi bhai, it can all flow together smoothly. Get the daddy of melodramatic rom coms Karan Johar to direct it. Rename: Kayenath

4 Baabul So many years ago Raj Kapoor had dealt with widow remarriage on celluloid in Prem Rog. Then Kunal Kohli gave it a whole new twist with Hum Tum. Then how come Ravi Chopra got it so horribly wrong? The wrongs can be made right though if Amitabh’s character encourages his bahu to enter the world of showbiz even as a widow. So that she has a new life of her own rather that just a life partner. And even when there is an on-screen kiss with an actor in a film project, he supports his daughter-in-law and becomes a real godfather. Amitabh can reprise the role and have a second shot at baabuldom while real-life bahu Aishwarya can take over as the daughter-in-law. Sanjay Leela Bhansali should direct this high drama. Rename: Baba

5 Jaan-e-Mann What was inherently wrong about this Shirish Kunder film and the main reason why it didn’t work despite the star quotient and superhit music was the character of Salman. Which man on this earth who is still in love with his wife would help another man woo her? When remade, Salman’s character would indeed help his friend woo his love but he shouldn’t know that she is his wife. Then the emotions can fly high once he learns that he has been digging his own grave throughout. The new cast will see Salman and Akshay reversing roles to give it a twist with Vidya Balan as the common object of affection. Anurag Basu can try his hand at this teary romance. Rename: Pati, Patni or Woh

Movies which should never be remade

1Dil Chahta Hai Like all great films, this too was a stroke of genius. From director Farhan Akhtar and his characters. The way they talked, the way they thought, the way they reacted, it was representative of a generation, a generation that came back to Bollywood with and because of this film. No remake of Dil Chahta Hai can ever capture that watershed vitality. Long live Sid, Akash and Sameer.

2 Rang De Basanti Another cult youth film, it epitomised a spirit that mirrors the mood of the moment. It captured camaraderie on campus just right and the casting could not have been better. Zindagi jeene ke do hi tareeke hai it told us, either sit back and watch or get your butt off that chair and make a difference. Rang De was the chosen theme, Basanti the chosen colour.

3 Satya The man will continue to remake every classic in showbiz, from Godfather to Sholay but Ram Gopal Varma would be well advised not to try and reset his own Satya in diverse international locations with new faces. There was only one Satya, the vulnerable common man with dreams, who got sucked into a world of crime by default. Almost a modern-day Shakespearean tragedy, Satya can never be remade by marketing men masked as moviemakers. And certainly not with Nisha Kothari.

4 Black It’s a remake itself. That of The Miracle Worker. Bhansali has given such a grandiose look and feel to the Helen Keller saga, without any specified time period or setting, and Amitabh and Rani’s performances have been so lauded that it would be a futile attempt by any film-maker to tread that path again. So let Black be.

5 Munnabhai MBBS Yes it has been made under different names in the south and will even get an international avatar in the Mira Nair-produced Gangsta MD, but Munnabhai cannot be anyone other than Sanjay Dutt. In any language, in any setting. And, perhaps more importantly, there can be no Circuit other than Arshad Warsi. The bittersweet tone made Munnabhai a most endearing watch. A big jaadu ki jhappi for MBBS.