IN A FLAP: Shilpa Shetty in Celebrity Big Brother

Cooking chicken a la Shilpa

Bollywood stars passing through London are often kind enough to give me a quick call, on which occasions I am able to pass on such intelligence as may be useful to them. If only Shilpa Shetty had found time to make that call, we could, at least, have discussed the one subject that has preoccupied Britain of late — how to cook roast chicken.

Shilpa received much grief from her tormentors on Celebrity Big Brother (CBB) who complained that the “pink” and undercooked roast chicken she had prepared had given them stomach upsets (only, they used a more elegant expression).

May be they cooked chicken differently in India, one wondered, while a male Shilpa supporter suggested the poor girl could not be blamed because she was more used to cooking in sauces.

This riveting row over the chicken went on for more than a day.

Perhaps this recipe should be named Chicken a la Shilpa, but being possessed of a reckless nature, I drove to the Lewisham shopping centre in south London and bought a small “Oakham” chicken, 1.135kg in weight and reared by D Jackson of Cambridgeshire, for £3.13.

Having placed chopped onion and garlic and a generous dab of butter on top and after seasoning with salt and cumin powder, the chicken was just about to go into the oven at Gas Mark 6 when my wife said she always stuffed it with lemon — “it gives it a nice flavour”. So, that was done, with potatoes wedged all round the chicken. In the cause of journalism, one has to be intrepid.

On Celebrity Big Brother, Jade Goody read the cooking instructions and, trying to find fault with Shilpa, discovered the latter had been using the grill throughout, not the oven. The grill was fine for cooking chicken pieces, not an entire chicken.

There was, of course, another almighty row, when Shilpa attempted to flush away the chicken soup, made from leftovers, down the lavatory. The bones got stuck. Jade’s boyfriend, Jack Tweedy, 19, suggested she extract the bones with her teeth. Shilpa replied she could think of better things to do with her teeth.

At which point, I returned to my oven. Since Shilpa had undercooked her chicken, I gave mine well over two hours. Sadly, it came out more than a little overdone. My wife had suggested about 1hour 45 minutes but keeping tabs on the chicken controversy on CBB, I had lost track of time.

Next week: Shilpa’s row over Oxo stock cubes.

HOPEFUL: Gulshan Grover wants to be on a reality show

Glitzy Gulshan

Passing through London, Gulshan Grover was kind enough to call, and, being advised to watch his “good friend” Shilpa, did so.

“She’s a gutsy girl,” he said .

“Bollywood is all about glamour and glitz,” he told me, explaining why stars wore dark glasses in an attempt to maintain their mystique. “It’s expected of us. I am checking in for my flight to Morocco and I’m wearing mine now.”

He was unsure whether appearing on Celebrity Big Brother would help or hinder Shilpa’s career. “The conservative element in Bollywood won’t like it but it’s too early to say.”

Gulshan was on his way to Morocco for a month to play Professor Rohit Singh in Prisoner of the Sun, described by the producers of this Hollywood movie as a “sort of Indiana Jones meets Tomb Raider meets The Mummy”.

“My role is of a dashing, young academic,” said the sprightly 51-year-old Gulshan.

Despite Shilpa’s trials and tribulations, he would not mind being in a reality show himself, such as I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, in which contestants are made to fend for themselves among insects and mosquitoes in an Australian jungle and eat worms.

“A lot of people have said I should be on a reality show,” he said.

Incidentally, Gulshan believed tapes of Shilpa’s appearance on CBB were already on their way to India —“she’s opened the doors for others”.

GOING NUCLEAR: Dalip Tahil

Fathers dear

To this day, I remember Fr Cleary describing the forest bathed in moonlight as little Mowgli ventured out with Baloo and Bagheera in The Jungle Book.

Well, the BBC is to make a new “lavish 90-minute action film” of The Jungle Book, Rudyard Kipling’s tale about a small boy brought up by wolves. It was made into a 1942 black and white film, starring the Indian actor Sabu, and a 1994 version with Jason Scott Lee as Mowgli. There is also the 1967 Disney cartoon version.

Fr Clearly must have long since passed away but as my English teacher at St Xavier’s, he retains my undying love, respect and affection. Had it not been for him, I reckon I would not have wandered away from the undergraduate delights of particle physics, the laws of thermodynamics, and, in the words of the schoolboy Molesworth, an English literary creation, “trying to prove two things are equal when you can see perfectly well that they are not”.

Talking about physics, I ought to mention I have had a message from Dalip Tahil who is away filming in South Africa — all these Bollywood types seem to be in gainful employment.

He has also portrayed the sub-continent’s favourite scientist, Dr A.Q. Khan, in a five-part BBC television drama, Nuclear Secrets, which “charts the true story of the race for nuclear supremacy — from the creation of the A-Bomb to the present-day market in nuclear secrets across the world”. According to the BBC, A.Q. Khan, “father” of Pakistan’s nuclear bomb, “was caught selling nuclear technology to Libya and Iran”.

If Mushie watches the episode on February 12, he will be reminded that he didn’t know Dr Khan was selling nuclear secrets to some of President Bush’s favourite holiday destinations — notably, Libya and Iran. Back in Pakistan, Dr Khan has been severely punished and told not to be such a naughty boy again.

Dalip recalled he had an equally interesting role, though he might not have realised it at the time, playing Shilpa Shetty’s father in Baazigar.

Meanwhile, we must do what we can to make sure that Gulshan, Dalip and Shilpa, of course, are included in the cast of The Jungle Book.

TWO BECOME ONE: Aishwarya and Abhishek

White elephant

Even the 40 (painted) white elephants being hired by Liz Hurley and Arun Nayar for their March “wedding of the year” in Mumbai and Rajasthan may not attract too much attention now. Sadly for them, Ash and Abhishek have stolen the show.

Tittle tattle

Amitabh Bachchan is nothing if not a man of his word so I am sure he will keep the promise he made in London last July to ring Suman Bhuchar’s mother.

At his Commons press conference, film journalist and theatre personality Suman bravely asked: “Mr Bachchan, I hope you don’t mind if I asked a slightly personal question and I ask your forgiveness for it. My mother would like to know when is Abhishek going to bring a bride home?”

With the utmost gravity, Bachchan replied: “As soon as I get to know, I will tell her. Even I am not aware of what is happening.”

Now that he does, I trust he will do the needful.