THE PROBLEM

I am a 27-year-old woman and a home science graduate. I would love to stay at home and look after my three-year-old child. But my husband says that I should take up a job because he prefers a double-income family. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

Your husband is right about a double-income family, but he must also realise that right now, your three-year-old child needs you the most. It is only after your baby grows up a little that you can think of joining a part-time job. Then, you will not only be able to share the burden of household expenses but also keep yourself fresh and active.

Binit Agarwalla
Rourkela

Your husband is absolutely correct in asking you to go out and work. An educated woman like you should never waste your time sitting at home and producing and raising children. You should remember that you belong to the 21st century and that a double-income family is essential to maintain a good standard of living. Looking after your child is definitely important. But maybe your in-laws or parents can help you out on this. Professional help is also available.

Kalyan Ghosh
Calcutta

Since you are 27 and a home science graduate, I think you ought to take your own decision. But since your husband prefers a double-income family and you are concerned about your child, you can take up part-time jobs instead of a full-time one. This will help you balance your personal and professional life. In a patriarchal society like ours, I think every woman should have an identity of her own.

Zini Basu
Calcutta

You are a young and energetic graduate. Your child, too, is now three years old. Your in-laws can look after the child if you go out to work. Your husband’s idea is not bad. Some contribution from your side will help run the family smoothly.

Jang Bahadur Singh
Jamshedpur

Your husband is also the child’s father and will be equally concerned about his upbringing. Make things easy for him by taking up a job. A double-income family is what your husband wants. Give it a try at least.

Rahul Mohta

Tell your husband politely that your child is your first priority. If money is what he is concerned about, you can start earning from home. You could learn to trade on the stock market. You could also give tuitions. This will solve your problem.

Ruchi Agarwal
Calcutta

You are lucky that your husband wants you to work. Many highly educated women are not able to work because of family restrictions. Working will give you financial security and independence. If you want to look after your kid, you could find a part-time job.

Sweta Bohar
Calcutta

You say you want to stay home and look after your three-year-old child. Are you sure you will not feel cheated and frustrated after your child grows up and creates his or her own world? You have every right to decide what you want, but don’t you think you have some responsibility towards your family as well? Financial security cannot be ignored in the process of homemaking.

Ajanta Kar Deb
Meghalaya

Being a home science graduate does not necessarily mean that you should be a stay-at-home mom. With day-to-day expenses skyrocketing, you should try and make yourself financially strong. Your child is grown up enough to be taken care of by a hired help.

Tuhin Mitra
Chandannagore

You are at liberty to take your own decision. On the other hand, since you are well-qualified, you should really take up a job. But as looking after your child is your first priority, you could try and work from home. You could do interior designing or be a beauty consultant. That way, you can look after your child properly and make your husband happy too.

Nilanjana Datta
Shibpur

Your husband’s idea is very practical. But it doesn’t mean that you have to neglect your child in the bargain. You could start taking tuition at home, though initially, students may come only from the junior classes. Once you gain confidence and others come to know about you, the numbers will increase. Thus, you will be able to strike a balance between your husband’s and your own wishes.

Arunava B. Chowdhury
Barrackpore

It is true that these days, a double-income family is much better off than a single-income one. Once your child is about six years old, you can definitely work outside and look at making yourself financially secure.

Sukumar Ghosh
Mukundapur

Only double-income families can combat today’s increasing costs of living. So your husband’s proposal is understandable. I am sure you get at least four to six hours’ spare time. If you use this spare time effectively, you can generate some income. You could opt for any part-time job, contract job, tuition, or direct marketing programmes that can be done from home.

Pranab Hazra
Burdwan

Many highly-educated women in our society want to stay at home and bring up their children. This is no doubt noble, but life today is changing fast and you need to keep up with it. A double-income family can maintain higher standards of living and the children too have access to better amenities.

Shyamali Saigal
Burdwan

expert eye

Kalpana Basu Mazumder
Consultant Psychotherapist

You are distressed because there is a conflict between your wants and the wishes of your husband. To begin with, you need to become aware of your fears and anxieties regarding the world outside. Once you start the process, you will find that your fears are more imagined than real.

Since your child is three years old, he or she must have started school. That means you have a fair amount of time on your hands. Being a home science graduate, you must have various skills that can be used to earn money. For instance, you could start cooking classes or maybe, even open a creche at home. This way, even though you get to stay at home, you will still be a double-income family. And it will do wonders for your self-esteem.

But staying at home to look after your child has certain disadvantages. True, a child needs a lot of love and care during his or her developing years, but too much of it can have a negative impact. Besides, in due course, your child will discover an independent world where you have a diminishing role to play. And the more he or she becomes independent, the more empty, lonely and depressed you will feel.

So, choosing a process that will make you feel empowered and fulfilled in the future will be good for everyone in the family. And you would have created a place for yourself in the sun.

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I was to be married to a girl in January next year. It was an arranged match. Now, she has suddenly called it off, saying that I am not the right person for her. Should I try and change her mind? I am angry, confused and depressed. Please help.

Name and address withheld