Saif Ali Khan

Cemented climax

If you watched Parineeta recently, like I did, you must have savoured the unique experience where a period film’s climax reminded you of a cement ad. Saif Ali Khan pounding a wall with a variety of lawn ornaments while none of his well-dressed well-wishers helped him or pointed out that there was a huge gate a few steps to his left ? heartbreaking stuff. Saif has been running into a lot of brick walls in real life as well ? the hunt for his father, a series of ill-considered interviews where he’s bitched madly about his ex-wife, and a new-found reputation for unpredictability at work. What happened to Bollywood’s New Golden Boy? Someone fill his mouth with cement please.

A billion bookworms

So, it’s official ? Indians are the world’s biggest bookworms, reading 10.7 hours a week, ahead of China’s seven, according to the NOP World Culture Score index. You’d think this news would bring writers joy, but you’ll change your mind when you realise what exactly it is that we read ? spine-tingling thrillers like How to Help Your Child Excel in Maths, career guides, self-help books and language guides. And then, of course, there are religious and academic books. Fiction sections in bookstores, meanwhile, grow smaller and smaller. Still, we read twice as much as the Americans, and that is both good and scary. The really good news is that we came fourth from the bottom in terms of TV viewership, which should give the box idiots something to think about. I’m thinking of sending the Guantanamo Bay torturers taped episodes of the Great Indian Laughter Challenge this Christmas.

lrowan atkinson has started work on a new series of the classic show Blackadder. Writer Richard Curtis has brought the Blackadder crew, which died in the First World War in the last series, back to life.

Alyssa Milano

Call of the kids

UNICEF’s latest ambassador to India is Hollywood starlet Alyssa Milano. She’s been in the country for the last few weeks, visiting tsunami-hit areas, HIV-affected families and slum schools, giving TV interviews, shopping for saris, sitars and Ganesha icons and discovering how short Bollywood actors are. Her qualifications for the job are many ? affiliation to children’s hospitals in LA, an Om tattoo on her wrist, yoga and Ravi Shankar CDs. And that’s not all ? according to a regression therapist in LA, she used to hang out with Lord Krishna in a previous life. And you thought Aishwarya Rai was well-connected.