Faria Alam: ?Big mistake?

London, Oct. 14: Faria Alam, the 38-year-old Bangladeshi woman who was at the centre of a sex scandal involving the England football manager Sven Goran Eriksson earlier this summer, has spoken for the first time about how her life has been ruined by the affair.

She sold her ?kiss and tell? story to the News of the World and the Mail on Sunday and gave an interview to television for a reported ?500,000, with Max Clifford, a well-known publicist, acting as go-between.

In her account, Faria spoke of her sexual relationship not only with Eriksson but also with the Football Association chief executive, Mark Palios, who had to resign from his post.

Now, Faria admits the ?kiss and tell?, which nearly killed her ailing mother in America, was a big mistake.

Faria, a former model who has returned to the catwalk ? she has just done a show in Leeds for a mail order catalogue, which sells inexpensive clothes ? admitted: ?I shouldn?t have sold it.?

Her words appear in the Daily Mail, to whom she has presumably sold the latest instalment of her story but this time the account has the ring of truth.

?I sold my soul,? she said. ?At the time I didn?t think I had a choice. I was going to lose my job. I thought telling my side of the story could only make things better.?

She went on: ?But it didn?t. It made things worse. Now the whole world thinks I am a slut and a whore. That?s what I?m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. It will never go away and it kills me. What other girl has had to deal with that? I cannot tell you what shame this has brought on my family. In their eyes, I am ruined. There is no coming back from this.?

She disclosed that her frail mother, Sharfunnessa Begum, had to be rushed to hospital in Seattle for emergency double heart bypass. ?I?m sure it was brought on because of the stress she was under,? her daughter said.

Intimate details of Faria?s sexual exploits had appeared in Bangladesh and also humiliated her extended family.

?Every Asian mother wants the same thing from her daughter,? said Faria. ?She wants her to get a good education, to marry well and to have children. I?d already failed her on every level.?

Her mother put part of the blame on Eriksson and Palios ? she called them ?cowards? ? and told Faria: ?And who will marry you now??

Her early marriage had collapsed within a week, and afterwards, ?I wasn?t a slapper, whatever people say. I have had five serious relationships in my life. I was with one man for eight years. I?ve never had a one-night stand. Ok, so I?ve had a few flings, I?m not proud of that, but I?m not ashamed either.?

?It?s best my father is dead,? Faria said. ?If he had been alive, this would have destroyed him. He would have killed me, then my mother, then himself.?

She claimed she still loved Eriksson and though she had checked with him before giving her ?kiss and tell story?, he dumped her once the interviews were published. He asked her not to call him again.

For her, said Faria, there was no redemption. ?Where do I move on to?? she wondered. ?What is there for me to do now? What man will have me? From where I?m standing it looks as though I?m going to be single for the rest of my life. And my mother will be proved right ? again.?