Here’s to help you roll your tongue over the right words and phrases before venturing out to party, for the prize is bound to go to the worst wag about town.

On the ball

If you respond to the words ‘fire alarm’ by thinking something’s burning, sit at home. After all, kiss-tell-sell Faria Alam is the flavour of the forthright, this fortnight.

How much can a roll in the hay — or a romp on a four-poster bed or a bend (unlike Beckham) on the staircase — possibly rake in? £ 500,000 and counting is the answer scripted by the Bangladeshi secretary and the British tabloids — with the Team England coach caught hopelessly off-side.

Faria Alam’s expose on her affair with Sven-Goran Eriksson may have done away with even the fig leaf, but there’s still a whole lot that remains unsaid, in the adda zone. So, be on the ball or pay the penalty.

Birthday bash

It’s time to raise a toast and turn the clock back as Someplace Else turns 10. If you are above 25 years and have been partying hard this last decade, the news of the return to the Someplace Else disco days — even if it is only for a night — must bring on a big bout of nostalgia. The dance floor that has seen lots of good, groovin’ times will be cleared of the bands for some bumpin’ (you can’t not in that tiny space), if not grindin’.

Love triangle

Here’s a masala mix to spice things up for you: Kareena and Shahid are truly, madly and deeply fida on each other. Never mind if you are yet to catch some live action between the two in Ken Ghosh’s Fida, releasing on August 20. You can always conjecture whether Fardeen Khan would be playing spoilsport (what with him rumoured to be sharing a bathtub with Bebo in the film). So, the big question is who actually will win Poo at the end of it all — her real-life love or her reel-love of Dev and Khushi? Keep guessing.

Date dare

A gentle reminder: today’s Friday the 13th. So watch your step if you are the superstitious kind, but be bindaas if you aren’t. Rest assured, there’s no ghost out to get you in the chief minister’s “oasis of peace”.